definitions

It has become crystal clear to me that words - OUR words - our CHOICE of words - are so important. Recently, these two words in particular have been thrown at me - some with "niceties" and some without. Regardless... I'm going to post the words here and their definitions:

First word: Disappoint
dis⋅ap⋅point
–verb (used with object)
1.
to fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of: His gross ingratitude disappointed us.
2.
to defeat the fulfillment of (hopes, plans, etc.); thwart; frustrate: to be disappointed in love.

v. tr.
To fail to satisfy the hope, desire, or expectation of.
To frustrate or thwart: "I will not disappoint the confidence you have put in me" (Wayne A. Budd).


Hmmmmmmmmm to be disappointed in someone.... that means the disappointed one had to have highish expectations of the disappointee, right? or even if not "highish" expectations, then expectations nonetheless. OK... BUT... aren't we all doing the best we can? Aren't we all treading water as fast as we can? Aren't we all paddling just as fast as we can? Shouldn't the disappointee be able to speak his or her 'peace' and give some sort of explanation to be examined? And when would this kind of thing happen? What sort of relationship exists where one says they are 'disappointed' in another? Parent/child; Authority/underling;

Let's take it a step further... if it's a peer situation where one peer states that he or she is "disappointed" in another peer.... what is the connotation there? What is the deeper truer meaning? And if such a thing were to be said to a peer, wouldn't it be more appropriate to have stated that one is disappointed in the choices said peer made? Or better yet, why not give the peer the benefit of the doubt and find out if the peer is ok and what, if anything, happened?

Does the term "disappointed in" really imply judgment rather than acceptance?

Second word: Actually
ac⋅tu⋅al⋅ly 
 /ˈæktʃuəli/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ak-choo-uh-lee] Show IPA
–adverb
as an actual or existing fact; really.

In fact; in reality: That tree is actually a fir, not a pine.

2. In act or in fact; really; in truth; positively.

When I really began to think about this one - "actually" - I came to the conclusion that more often than not, this word is used as a corrective word such as in the example sentence listed above: "That tree is actually a fir, not a pine." I know I've used this word to correct my children, "Actually, the correct pronunciation is such and such" OR "Actually, that means this." See what I mean? A correction. Stating "truth" or a "fact" as it were.

Returning to the idea of relationships... who in your life corrects you? Parents, teachers, supervisors, those in authority. Don't get me wrong, I've been plenty guilty of correcting peers... I've just become more aware of it now. And isn't that the first step? Awareness? The first step to what? To possibly changing one's habits. The first step to realize I've been "correcting" people I shouldn't be "correcting" - making myself aware of it should help me catch myself and not do it as much - OR - at the very least, state to the individual[s], I don't mean to sound as if I'm correcting you... this is just my opinion....

Now that you've realized that... perhaps you haven't... or perhaps you disagree... nonetheless... how do *you* respond to someone not in authority over you, who speaks to you using the term "actually"? how did you respond? how will you respond in the future? how does one respond appropriately?

So over the past few weeks, I've realized some vocabulary is to be used in my opinion when one is in authority. Would you consider a peer an authority?